The Art of Chill

So I got frustrated last night typing up a long project and basically clipped my fake nails off that I’ve had on since the day before my wedding. I’ll be back here with some long posts.
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First, I want to talk about the importance of being chill. I feel like there is magic in chilling the fuck out. Try it.
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Let go of the things you can’t control and watch it work out how it should and not how you want it.
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I know if you’ve never tried to chill out, it might feel challenging…violent almost…but at the end of that discomfort is a gold mine of deep breaths, relaxed shoulders, and the appreciation for incarnating on this planet, in this lifetime, and in that beautiful body of yours.
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While I was planning my wedding and up until I was about to walk down the aisle, people kept commenting on how I seem way too relaxed for someone who was about to get married. How am I not freaking out that I still don’t have the food reserved? Or I don’t have my songs planned out? Or the seating chart isn’t printed yet? How am I making jokes right now?
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I think it boils down to trust. I put a lot of trust in people. Not just anyone – I have carefully curated people in my life that I love and trust. These folks live with integrity, are dependable, and loyal to their loved ones.

And when I can’t do something, I ask for their help. It took me a couple of decades to learn to ask for help so I understand the challenge.

For my wedding, I trusted the experts in their field. I remember being asked what song I wanted to walk down the aisle to. I HAD NO IDEA. So I asked the DJ to surprise me.
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I walked down the aisle to Israel “IZ” Kamakawiwoʻole’s version of Somewhere Over The Rainbow. It’s the ukelele version. It was beautiful. I’m tearing up just thinking about it.

I notice when I authentically put my trust in others, I feel this sense of duty from them. Like people are so happy that I fully believe in the successful execution of their craft that they do all they can to make it so. It could just be my imagination.
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AND…we also messed up: the officiant was late, the DJ read the names out of order, there were some hiccups during the ceremony that resulted in people snickering here and there.
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And you know what? It worked out. The wedding is over, the food was good, the music was popping, people enjoyed themselves.
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I even believe these minuscule issues MADE the wedding more memorable for me.
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It’s amazing there’s an actual show about bridezillas. I’ve never watched it but did they even enjoy their very important and special milestone because they HAD to have everything the way they wanted it?

I woke up like this

Also regarding trust. I know for people who aren’t spiritually inclined, they might roll their eyes…but I have a lot of trust in the Universe or God or energy…fill in the blanks. I do the work required of me and then I put it out there and let it go.
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There is no use in breathing down the neck of this intention watching it unfold. I’ve done all I can, now all I have to do is wait for it to come to fruition. If it doesn’t, it’s back to the drawing board to try something new.
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Attachment and control brings suffering. When you’re too attached to an outcome, it hurts more if it doesn’t work out. When we rise and fall with our wins and losses, it becomes energetically exhausting.
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When you need things done exactly the way you want it but this universe is chaotic, unpredictable, and sovereign…you are in for a lifetime of disappointment.
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So since we all have to live in this dimension, might as well enjoy the chaos, right?
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Don’t be afraid to work on it. Distracting yourself trying to fix others when you haven’t put much effort on yourself is not beneficial. Don’t put your healing on the back burner.
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When we put our healing first – all the stuff we want to control and all the things that make us incredibly uncomfortable become less of a nuisance and more of a thing that just happens because the world just happens. Like a flower blooming or lightning crashing. It just is.
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Don’t be afraid to use tools to help you learn the art of chilling. Download meditation apps, use task managers, take CBD oil, follow social media accounts of folks who champion these ideas.
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If stress actually makes us sick, imagine what being chill can do?
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Stoicism.

How To Create Lasting Change

When we’re looking to make a change within ourselves and our habits, creating structures, using tools, and executing TANGIBLE actions towards these desires are necessary.
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What’s a structure? A structure is a framework we erect to support a desired outcome.
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For example, an individual may want to improve their physical health by diet and exercise. A structure they put up can be their gym bag placed in front of the front door so they are reminded to bring it with them when they leave the house.
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What old structures would need to be demolished? Perhaps canceling their subscription on their monthly snack box is something they can consider. Removing the candy bowl from their work desk. Etc.
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At work, we have to create yearly goals that contribute to the improvement of our groups and teams. They do this by having us write S.M.A.R.T goals. I’m sure if you’ve worked in a corporate setting, you’ve heard of this before.
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Let’s use anger as an example. When you want to change the way you react to situations, simply just reminding yourself not to be angry when a heated situation occurs is futile.
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If we put this through a SMART goal template it can look like this:
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“I will improve my reactions to heated situations in three month’s time so that I can heal my relationships with friends and family while increasing my emotional intelligence.
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My success will be measured by the calm way I speak in situations that would normally anger me in the past”.
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Here is a suggested list of tangible actions one can take to become less angry:
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1. Write a list of anger triggers and review how often those triggers come up for you.

Even putting this list up in a place where you can see it can be a structure you erect that can gently remind you to be aware of your emotions.

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2. Create a self-care morning routine.

I have noticed a vast improvement within myself because I have worked towards waking up early enough to give myself an hour for self-care.
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Number 4 and 5 of this list are two of the things I do EVERY morning in order to create new connections in my brain.

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3. Re-parent yourself.
Let me remind you, there is a HUGE difference between self-care and pampering. Self-care is not always bubble baths and puppy cuddles.
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Self-care is parenting yourself. Imagine you are providing care for a child who is always exhausted, angry, irritable, and needs loving discipline.
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This child will need a parent who will create structure in their life:
a. Teach them to sleep at a reasonable time so they wake up refreshed.
b. Minimize their screen time.
c. Provide them with nutritious meals because their gut health is important to their mental health.
d. Showing them healthy boundaries.
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4. Meditation
I know a lot of people who read this will probably groan and say they don’t know how to meditate or they suck at it.
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A lot of people get discouraged when they make efforts to meditate because they think “meditating right” looks like this:

But this is what it looks like for ME:

Sorry for the iStock logo. Lol, the title of this is “Frustrated Asian Businessman With Closed Eyes Stock Photo”

The purpose of sitting in meditation is so you can face all the loud chatter in your mind and then observe them without judgment. Then you can work on bringing your mind to stillness. Then you’ll slip into loud chatter again. Then you kindly bring your mind to stillness. Rinse. Repeat.

5. Journaling.

Journaling has been such a monumental tool for my growth.
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These are the prompts I’ve written which I use for journaling:
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a. Five things I’m grateful for
b. One trait that my future self will have.
c. Today I will get past my mind by…
d. My affirmation of the day.
e. What an I do today to align with my future self?
f. What stretch opportunity can I take to challenge myself?
g. Today I am proud of myself for…
h. What is one unnecessary thing I can unplug my energy from so I can bring bring that power back to myself?
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6. Exercise
Of course we know the huge benefits of exercise and moving the body. It relieves stress, releases pent up energy, good for our hearts, etc.
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7. Answer this question: what kind of structures would need to be erected or demolished for someone who wants to be less angry?
For my morning routine structure, I’ve placed my meditation pillow on the side of my bed and my journal and pen on my nightstand. I also set an alarm at 9 pm so I can start winding down for the night.
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Some structure suggestions: writing affirmations and placing them randomly around the house, setting alarms throughout the day for an emotion or body check, etc.
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8. Be consistent
Start small. Work your way up. Challenge yourself every day. Make sure that you make small changes that are different from yesterday. TANGIBLE is key.